Tonight I had every intention of sitting down and writing the post I had prepared. The topic was ready, the notes were neatly typed, and the outline sat waiting for me. But the truth is, I just did not have it in me today.
I didn’t feel like writing.
I didn’t feel like encouraging.
I didn’t feel like showing up in the way I normally try to.
I am exhausted in a way that goes deeper than the physical. This isn’t just tired eyes or an empty energy tank. This is soul tired.
Postpartum has a way of revealing the cracks we didn’t know were there. Most days I can hold the pieces together. I can find the beauty, the gratitude, the sweet moments. But today was heavy. Today was a reminder that healing is not linear, and motherhood does not pause when we need a breath.
The Weight of Today
Today I felt pulled in every direction.
Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually.
I sat down to look over our bills and budget for the rest of the month, and the numbers felt overwhelming. We are stretching every dollar right now. And even though I know God provides, the weight of responsibility still presses hard on my chest.
Stella has her days and nights mixed up again, leaving both of us foggy and fragile. My body is still healing, my hormones are still adjusting, and my patience feels thin. I am looking toward a new week of my husband working, homeschooling the older kids, and juggling everything else this season demands, and I honestly feel unprepared.
Some days, motherhood feels like a calling.
Other days, it feels like a cry for help.
And today was the latter.
I know I’m not the only one who has days like this, where the expectations we place on ourselves crumble beneath reality. Days when we want to pour out encouragement but our own cup feels empty.
The Hard Truth: We Are Not in Control
Tonight, the only thing I could do was be honest. Honest with myself, honest with God, and honest with you. I do not have the perfect devotional. I do not have tidy encouragement wrapped in a bow. What I have is rawness. What I have is the acknowledgment that I am not in control. And truthfully, I never was.
Letting go feels painful, but it is often the doorway to peace.
Sometimes the most faithful thing we can do is admit we are weak.
Because when we loosen our grip, God tightens His.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Psalm 73:26 (ESV)
I Need Prayer
I don’t write that lightly. Asking for prayer feels vulnerable, but I know there is strength in community. I know God meets us when we bring our needs into the light. So tonight, as simple and humble as it is, I’m asking for prayer.
Pray for clarity in this postpartum fog.
Pray for rest when sleep is hard to find.
Pray for peace in our home.
Pray for financial provision.
Pray for strength for the week ahead.
I am choosing to trust God through the exhaustion, through the overwhelm, through the fear of falling behind. He has carried me every day of this journey so far, and I believe He will continue to.
A Gentle Reminder for Anyone Feeling This Too
If you are reading this and you find yourself in a similar season, hear me:
You are not failing.
You are not alone.
You are not expected to carry what only God can hold.
It is okay to not have the perfect post.
It is okay to not feel strong.
It is okay to ask for help.
It is okay to rest.
God is not disappointed in your humanity. He meets you there.
💛 Closing Thoughts
Tonight, I am letting go of what I could never control.
I am choosing surrender over striving.
I am choosing honesty over pretending.
I am choosing to trust the God who sees the weight I cannot carry.
Tomorrow is a new day. His mercies will meet me there.
But for now, I am simply resting in the truth that He is near.
If you are weary too, I pray He meets you gently tonight.
Living Life with a Purpose 