Even Here: Why I Wrote This Song

This week was supposed to look different.

I had planned a whole week of content focused on love.
God’s love.
Love in parenting.
Biblical love in marriage.

Encouraging posts. Scripture. Truth-filled reminders.

But today… today was different.

Today I was struggling.

Not because something catastrophic happened. Not because of an emergency. Just the slow, heavy kind of overwhelm that sneaks in during postpartum. The kind where your body still feels like it isn’t fully yours again. Where sleep is fragmented. Where emotions feel closer to the surface than you’d like them to be.

I didn’t feel like writing.
I didn’t feel like being on social media.
Honestly, I was struggling to show up well even for my own family.

And that’s hard to admit.

So instead of forcing content about love, I grabbed a pen and paper and started scribbling. No outline. No strategy. Just the honest thoughts circling in my head.

That was the start of Even Here.

Postpartum Has Been Harder Than I Expected

This season has stretched me in ways I wasn’t prepared for.

After my C-section, I experienced a hemorrhage that nearly cost me my life. There was a moment where everything felt fragile and uncertain. Bright lights. Urgent voices. Fear pressing in. And in that moment, when I felt physically weak and emotionally undone, God was there.

Then came sixteen long nights in the hospital with our baby girl. She wasn’t gaining weight. She wasn’t eating well. She was jaundiced. We counted ounces and prayed over numbers. We lived in the tension between hope and exhaustion.

God provided in ways I still struggle to fully explain. Strength for one more feeding. Wisdom from the right nurse. Encouragement at just the right moment. Not always dramatic—but faithful.

And yet, five months later, the struggle hasn’t simply evaporated.

Healing is slower than I expected. Some days still feel dark. There are moments I question more than I declare. Moments I struggle to see Him through the fog.

That’s where Even Here was born.

When Love Feels Hard to Feel

It felt almost ironic.

The week I planned to talk about love—about God’s steadfast love, about patient parenting, about biblical marriage—I felt tired, overwhelmed, and honestly just small.

And in that smallness, I started wondering:

Are You even here in this?
In the laundry piles?
In the endless pumping and bottle washing?
In homeschooling two little ones while trying to soothe a baby?

When the tasks feel repetitive.
When the joy feels delayed.
When the work feels unseen.

Are You here even now?

That question became the heartbeat of the song.

God in the Darkness… and in the Mundane

Throughout my life, there have been genuinely dark moments. Seasons of heartbreak. Loss. Fear. That hospital room after my hemorrhage. The long NICU days years ago. The miscarriage between our babies. Times when I wasn’t sure how things would turn out.

And every time, even when I couldn’t feel it fully, God was there.

But what I am learning now is this:

He is just as present in the mundane as He is in the crisis.

He is there in the midnight feeds.
In the spelling lessons.
In the dishes that stack up faster than I can wash them.
In the body that is still healing.
In the moments I feel like I’m not enough.

Nothing is wasted.
Not the suffering.
Not the slow healing.
Not the repetitive, ordinary days.

Even here, God is present.

Why I Wrote This Song

I wrote Even Here because I needed to remind my own heart that faith doesn’t have to be loud to be real.

Sometimes it looks like worship in the middle of confusion.
Sometimes it looks like showing up when you don’t feel strong.
Sometimes it looks like scribbling honest words instead of polished posts.

If you’re in a season where life feels overwhelming… where the day-to-day feels small or unseen… where love feels more like endurance than emotion…

You’re not alone.

God is not waiting for the moment you feel spiritual again.

He is here.
In the dark.
In the doubt.
In the dishes.

Even here.

*I am a writer NOT a musician. So 100% transparency, the music was used with an AI music app, that is not my voice but it is my words. I did publish it through the Suno app. Please do not use without my permission.